A Sociopath Beside Me Read online

  A Sociopath Beside Me

  Junie Moon

  This story is a personal account of my life with a sociopath beside me, a journey which takes you inside his mind and inside his darkness.

  A Sociopath Beside Me is a true story about my life with a sociopath and the devastating circumstances he created for his many victims. This personal journey leads to the discovery that a sociopath was in our midst, examines his dishonorable behaviors, uncovers his hidden secret agendas, and validates the suffering of his victims.

  The mission of this book is to give the reader the needed tools to recognize the sociopath who walks among us, so that we might avoid becoming their next unsuspecting victim.

  Junie Moon

  A SOCIOPATH BESIDE ME

  To Marvin

  To His Family

  To Joseph

  Because of this journey

  I have learned so much,

  and despite of it

  I have come so far…

  Disclaimer

  The author and publisher of this Ebook and the accompanying materials have used their best efforts in preparing this Ebook. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this Ebook. The information contained in this Ebook is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this Ebook, you are taking full responsibility for your actions.

  The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable to any party for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from any use of this material, which is provided “as is”, and without warranties

  Editor: Joseph R. Miller, M.D.

  Published by www.StoriesRemembered.comPO Box 534 Sadler, TX 76264

  I began to edit A Sociopath Beside Me as a favor for a friend. I ended the task with a feeling of sadness that the job was done, and that I wouldn’t be able to learn more about Marvin or Joseph or any of the lost souls I had learned of in the book. What began simply as a favor crawled inside me and took me over for a while. While it was there inside me, it caused me pain. I began to fear the sociopath I was writing of, and I realized the author had done what good authors do: she had described a personal feeling and translated that feeling from personal to communal. In short, she made me feel it too. She will do that for any reader who picks this up and reads it through. You will experience fear, and wonder, and anger, and you will be afraid. That’s what the author intends. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  Joseph R. Miller, M.D.

  I first met Junie several years after her experiences with a sociopath. After we became friends, she told me her story. She was visibly upset while telling me the story. I suggested it might help her heal if she wrote it all down. She was reluctant, so I told her, just do it. Several years later, she presented me with a hand written book that she had written. She told me it was her desire to publish this book so others may read it and become aware of the danger signs of a sociopath. The book read like a movie or TV show, but I knew Junie and knew the story to be true. I believe she has accomplished her mission and the book “A Sociopath Beside Me” is now a published eBook. After I read the book, I was able to look back in my past and realize that sociopaths that had crossed my path had victimized me many times. I am now well armed with the tools to avoid any future encounters with a Sociopath. Good job Junie, thanks for a job well done.

  Gary Bennett

  Special Thanks:

  A special thank you to the following people who without their creative abilities, determination and confidence in this project this book would not exist.

  To Gary—

  My advisor, mentor and friend, who unknowingly encouraged the creation of this book by inspiring me with just two small but very profound words, “do it!” Those words were a turning point for me. Along the way he became a believer in this force for good and became my computer expert, publisher, marketing agent and all around rock. Without you, this work would still be in handwritten form, collecting dust somewhere. Thank you, Gary.

  To Joe—

  Who volunteered his editing and authoring skills that took this diamond in the rough and polished it into a treasure. Without even being aware, his wise words of “without details it isn't a story,” helped push me out of the writers nest and transformed me into an author. Thank you Joe, I am forever grateful.

  Junie Moon

  Note from the author…

  You have met a predator. He has crossed your path and you didn’t even know. Why did he pass you by? Why did he look at someone else? Most likely he sought someone who could better satisfy his cravings. You were lucky.

  This predator, this hunter on the prowl, is the human equivalent of a Great White Shark. He is a sociopath, as strictly defined in psychiatric literature. He is a menace without conscience, and like the shark in the ocean, he will eat you alive before you sense the danger. You need only cross his path. I had the great misfortune to know intimately a sociopath for eighteen years. It took too many of those years to recognize the problem. For the rest of those years, my professional training in observation and analysis were put to the ultimate test.

  My hope for this book is to give you the tools to recognize the sociopath and his behavior. Only by this recognition can you see the sociopath for what he really is, and by seeing what he really is, protect yourself and others from the pain of his intrusion.

  Expect the unexpected, think the unthinkable… but recognize what is happening. It took a terrible, eighteen year journey with a sociopath by my side to first understand then withstand the sociopath’s power. My desire is to share this understanding with you, to have you use this book as a guide to recognizing these dark souls. I hope it contains the tools and armor that will protect you and help you avoid being victimized by a sociopath beside you.

  This is a true story; it contains real events, events that caused great emotional pain to real people.

  Names have been changed and the predator’s relationships with his victims, including this author, are intentionally vague to protect the confidentiality of those involved.

  On the victim’s behalf, some of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated toward efforts in locating and bringing to justice their perpetrator.

  The Author

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  To the many victims of the sociopath who walked beside me:

  I wish for each one of you to know that what he chose to do to you was not your fault. A sociopath is only interested in meeting his own agenda through nearly any means possible, and we, as society, are merely his pawns. He chose you simply because he knew you. For each of you I wish the courage and the wisdom to release any emotional hold he may still have upon you. I wish you comfort and peace.

  To the truth:

  Which is still buried beneath his many dark untruths, I want to bring light. Your well deserved and rightful voice can bring sunlight, the best disinfectant, and can validate the truth. It can be a healing catalyst for a sociopath’s many victims.

  And to you the reader:

  I want you to be made aware that individuals, as described within these pages, do exist in large numbers. I do not want to alarm you, but to alert you. My hope is that some good can be discovered and salvaged from the trail of destruction the sociopath beside me created and left his victims to contend with. I pray my personal journey can provide you with information and tools that you both deserve and need in becoming more aware of your surroundings and the people who surround you. I hope this will be a decent persons’ guide to
the indecency of the sociopath beside you.

  FOREWORD

  I am neither a writer nor a psychiatrist, but have had the personal misfortune of intimately knowing one of society’s hidden predators — a sociopath — and am relating the events of living that terrible misfortune to you in my own laymen terms.

  I spent the good part — the bad part, if you will — of eighteen years with a sociopath beside me. On many occasions, I found myself wondering, “Whatever was he thinking?” I experienced numerous “red flag” moments. I didn’t see them as other than just plain odd. I didn’t put the pieces together at the time strange things happened. I shrugged the vague unrest away, unwilling to think the unthinkable, unable to visualize the unexpected. I couldn’t put the pieces of the puzzle together until long after the incidents occurred.

  When I could not make sense of these instances in my own mind, I would probe for an explanation. In retrospect, my probing was too gentle. Each explanation led me to more confusion. I received no satisfactory answers. I ended each episode with more unanswered questions, and a deeper sense that something wasn’t right.

  My rational mind prodded me to investigate and not to turn a blind eye to his inconsistencies. My emotional self would not allow me to do that. I had physical symptoms including stomach pain, warnings such as the bristling of the hairs on the nape of my neck. My intuition prodded me not to turn a blind eye, but for the longest time, I did just that. It was as if I suspected a monster lived in the closet, but if I never opened the closet door, no one else would know. I cannot point to a specific moment in time when suspicion piled up past believing. But such a time did arrive, and I couldn’t rationalize his strange behavior, could no longer give him the benefit of the doubt. I reached that point where my rational and emotional selves merged in protest to his lies. I would no longer allow him to make me feel guilty for questioning him. I could no longer live on trust. From that point forward, I walked a fragile line, aware that if I probed too openly he would become suspicious and stop communicating entirely. I did not want to kill the messenger until the message became clear.

  During this time we lived together in several different towns. An uncomfortable knowledge was building in my mind. My heart told me that to ignore these continuing red flag moments would have devastating effects down the line. But it was always “somewhere down the line.” We continued our own fragile personal dance. There were little dots of information from things he said or comments from those around him. I tried to connect the dots but wouldn’t let my mind see purpose in the results.

  Then came the phone call — the one that none of us could ever be prepared for, the one that, in an instant, propels you into a living nightmare. The phone call opened the closet door of the sociopath beside me, and his hidden dirty little secrets tumbled into the daylight. Secrets that weren't even supposed to see the light of day. It took all my courage to hear these secrets. It frightened me that I had missed the signs. How could I have missed them? How could I have been so blind? And most frightening of all was the idea that I had allowed his reign of psychological terror by refusing to see the signs.

  I began my quest to know the painful truth of each occurrence and how each incident began. I continue this so you might recognize the sociopath beside you.

  Chapter One — THE SOCIOPATH

  It has been estimated that one in twenty-five Americans has shown sociopathic behavior. Despite its frequency, most of us know nothing of that behavior, nor are we aware of sociopaths in our society. This is the sociopath’s greatest advantage. He is invisible.

  These individuals are afflicted with what is defined as an “antisocial personality disorder.” “Antisocial” means simply “against society. “ The true sociopath’s only agenda and main source of his twisted gratification is manipulating those in his path to do as he requires. That’s his game. And game it is, with us as pawns as he seeks personal gratification, regardless of the cost to others. His capabilities are monstrous.

  He does not follow societies “norms”, and is incapable of playing by the rules. He has no rules, nor can he recognize other’s rules. He does not have a conscience. Thus, he has no brake on socially unacceptable behavior, no boundary past which he dare not go. The sociopath lacks a moral compass. He cannot experience guilt. He knows no remorse. His life is simply endless sinister manipulation of others to feed his own ego.

  When confronted with a sociopath’s random acts of cruelty, all you can expect is the unexpected. And of course that can’t be done. Only in retrospect is the unexpected visible. You are forced to think the unthinkable. That can’t be done as well, except in the light of retrospection. A sociopath has no emotional attachment to others. He has no empathy, no compassion. He lives in emotional disconnect with others, his mind acknowledging nothing but personal goals. He cannot accept responsibility for dishonorable actions, but finds great personal satisfaction in causing others to suffer emotional pain. Simply put, the sociopath cannot accept or even understand the concept of personal responsibility.

  He lives a loveless existence, unable and unwilling to bond with another being. He is incapable of gratitude or loyalty toward anyone. His quest in life is to meet his agenda of the moment, without regard for others, indeed, with contempt for his victims.

  Individuals with severe personality disorders rarely improve. With no capacity for self awareness, they most often aren’t salvageable. Rehabilitation is a myth.

  The sociopath becomes more antisocial with the passing of time. Through years of practice, his manipulation techniques become increasingly more refined and sophisticated. Eventually he regards himself as smarter than everyone else. He becomes increasingly brazen and callused. He knows he will never be caught. This is his game. You are his game-piece. There are no boundaries, no rules to a macabre game that increases in intensity and becomes more disturbing every time you’re forced to play.

  Chapter Two — DARK SOUL

  Your intuition

  is your window

  into another’s soul…

  When I first met Marvin I was drawn into his web by his level of intelligence and charismatic charm. His aptitude to articulate was well executed and skillful, nearly flawless, and superior to most 26 year olds. Regardless of the circumstances or the timing, he appeared to never be caught off-guard or at a loss for just the right set of discriminating words to bestow upon the listener; illustrating his gifted "silver tongue" and razor sharp mind.

  Without fail, he seemed to be able to charm others to obtain his desired outcome; the ability to mold both people and situations as if they were putty in his hands. It was unusual for someone of his then young age to not only possess these special qualities, but to have mastered them in such a way, that in combination, they orchestrated compliance from his intended target and struck a sense of awe in any observer.

  Marvin portrayed the uncanny ability to weave the qualities of impeccable articulation and disarming charm into a carefully woven trap, much like the network of webs spun by a spider, designed for the entanglement of his prey. He was a smiling, gracious, danger.

  At the time, it seemed harmless enough as I was totally unaware of his hidden personality traits or sinister, self-serving, agenda. He was a sales representative, and seemed to have the uncanny ability to sell ice to Eskimos. Unfortunately he became part of my inner circle for the next eighteen years, a then budding sociopath. For most of those eighteen years, I didn’t recognize the sociopath beside me. The daily routine seemed for the most part, right. I saw nothing out of the ordinary early in our life together. I suspected nothing.

  Then the truth was revealed to me, and his elaborate charade exposed. For three years I spent nearly every waking moment and many sleepless nights dissecting and microscopically analyzing every questionable detail of the past.

  With the knowledge that I now had, I painfully tried to recall and vividly reconstructed every “red flag” moment that had occurred during the past eighteen years. Hundreds of random thoughts and
questions ran through my mind like gingerbread men, crying “catch me. Catch me if you can.” Some I caught and some I didn’t, and some just flew away.

  All these fragments flew through my consciousness.

  I did not know this person at all!

  Who was this person, really?

  Why didn’t I see and recognize the signs?

  How could he commit such heinous acts toward others with total disregard and even contempt, and why didn’t I know sooner?

  Why had I been so ignorant of his actions?

  How come I did not know?

  How could he have duped me? How did he pull the wool over my eyes?

  Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I know?

  How could I protect myself and those I love from him and "his kind" now and in the future?

  Again and always the question raced through my mind. Why didn’t I know? I prayed daily for the wisdom and courage to find the truth, but still was filled with dread.

  To begin to find the truth, I used what I had learned from him, from being in his presence, from living with him beside me. I began to get information from others. I began the laborious process of connecting the dots. The road to truth was painful. The truth was more often than not buried in his closet of dirty secrets. I dreaded the pain of entering that closet. I feared what I would find. Each discovery was foreign to my nature, nearly impossible to comprehend. My mind and my senses were assaulted by another world, the world of a sociopath. I was nauseated by what I found. I sobbed with sorrow for the pain he caused his victims. But in spite of the personal pain, I persisted. His secrets, his plan of operation unfolded. I was unable to comprehend his motives. I could not rationalize them. They were devoid of reason and outside of ordered, rational thought. They were outside my experience.